


Regrets

by EvertheOptimistWaywardAF



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvertheOptimistWaywardAF/pseuds/EvertheOptimistWaywardAF
Summary: Post 15x19 Coda; The Empty looks over Lucifer's life.
Kudos: 2





	Regrets

The Shadow sat back in her throne, tracing the bottom of her lip with her finger subconsciously, watching the sleeping figure. No regrets? Really? Everyone had regrets. This angel intrigued her, a fascination around him that she could barely keep contained, a wish to know what made him so regret-less, so… empty. The others would dream of regrets. Castiel dreamed that he had told Dean sooner, that he had been there for Jack, that he had been able to help Sam in time, that he could’ve said goodbye. All of these things, and in addition the memories of those who he’d lost, and those who he had been responsible for, like Claire Novak and the Sunders and even little Jesse Turner and Kelly Kline. But this angel wasn’t like Castiel, or Gabriel, or Crowley, or the rest of the dreamers. He dreamt of nothing.   
Surely, if she looked hard enough, the angel would have regrets. She had hoped he would be easy, that it would just click, but it hadn’t. Instead, she would have to go search herself. She started at the beginning. Heaven was beautiful back then, with open windows and large scapes of new, fresh, glowing landscape. There weren’t small little soul cubicles. It was open and beautiful. A very young Chuck was walking with two teenaged appearing archangels and one that was almost a middle schooler, if that had existed back before history or time. They were followed by what looked like a seven year old, chasing a strange mammal he had created.  
“I’m proud of you,” Chuck said. The second oldest looked up, smiling. “We finally beat her, and now… all of this… it’s ours.”   
“What do we do know?” The oldest asked. Chuck ignored him, ruffling the archangel’s feathers. He smiled at the second oldest.   
“You go and find something from the explosion that we can use to make something new,” Chuck said. The second oldest nodded. “Michael, you go stop Gabriel from falling.”  
“Of course, father,” Michael said, going to collect the youngest.   
“Oh, Luciel,” Chuck said. The second oldest beamed with pride. “Make sure it’s nice. We don’t want a bad start to our first creation, do we?”  
“I’ll find the best one!” Luciel said. Shadow rolled her eyes, dissatisfied. She fast forwarded, looking for something usable. She got to a much later time. His first murder. Usually the first murder leads to regret. She could use this.  
“Wait up!” The little angel cried. It raced after Luciel and the others. He seemed to be teaching them something, striding across Heaven with his chin held high.   
“If you believe you are worthy of Heaven’s guard, you’re incorrect,” Luciel said. “You have to keep up. When you’re fighting in a war, you have no time to lag behind. All of you, go on ahead. Whoever gets to Michael first wins.”   
The angels raced off, launching into the air, laughing and shoving eachother. Luciel turned to the little angel, frowning.   
“Am I in trouble?” The little angel asked.   
“No,” Luciel said. “It’s not your fault. Something is wrong with you. I believe Michael may have botched your creation.”   
“Can I be fixed?” The little angel asked sadly.   
“No,” Luciel said. He snapped his fingers and the angel lit up, screaming, and then vanished into smoke. He pretended to dust off his hands. “It happens.”   
Shadow blinked, confused. There was no regret here. There was no sadness. Cas’s first kill ended with the angel praying for absolution, from the death of a demon. Shadow didn’t even expect that much from Lucifer. Just… something.   
“I miss Auntie Amara,” Gabriel said quietly, watching the sun set over the ocean. “She would’ve liked this place. It’s so beautiful.”   
“It’s only beautiful because she’s gone,” Luciel said. He gently touched the mark on his arm, the scar he obtained from the battle against Amara.   
“I think… I think we were wrong,” Gabriel said. Luciel turned his head sharply.   
“What do you mean?” Luciel said.   
“Maybe she was… good,” Gabriel said. Luciel looked down at the dirt under their feet.  
“You’re incorrect. She’s pure evil.”  
“Have you ever thought… maybe we… maybe it’s…” Gabriel looked out. “Maybe Dad is just a person, and we’re just… people too. And she was too.”   
Luciel didn’t look up. He reached out and grabbed his younger brother’s shoulder. “Michael has this new thing… this program to fix angels that are out of line.”  
Gabriel’s eyes widened, a look of fear clear across his face. “Don’t tell on me.”   
“I’m sorry, brother,” Luciel said. Tears fell down Gabriel’s face as angels appeared, a very young Naomi and her guard, that would later become the Intelligence Divison. Luciel watched as they walked Gabriel away. Certainly this would be regretful, Shadow thought. This had to have an impact. He had just handed his brother over to be tortured. And yet… the only thing Shadow detected was… a sick type of happiness, like he was relishing in Gabriel’s pain. Perhaps there were no regrets for the archangels… what about Sam Winchester?   
Shadow had taken this as a guess. Maybe his attachment to Sam had led to something… anything, that she could use. Even changing his name, dropping the “iel” for a “ifur”, didn’t have a negative impact. Falling from Heaven, being trapped in Hell… there was anger there, but it wasn’t regret. He felt justified. He always felt justified. She knew he wouldn’t regret much but perhaps there was something from 2010 she could use.   
She skipped over Lucifer watching Sam while he slept. She skipped over the interactions they had. She pressed pause when she saw Gabriel reappear. Yes, this could be it. There were waterworks and everything. But… no, no regret. There was an initial sorrow, but not for Gabriel. Rather, it was Lucifer wallowing in self pity. Then there was an excitement, at the tragedy of it all. And then it was over, back to Lucifer preening his wings.   
The Shadow began to get angry. She hadn’t wanted to get this close… she knew from Castiel’s memories what was going to happen and she wasn’t keen on watching it. Just the smallest amount of regret, and she’d set the autoplay on. She surprised herself at her own anger. She didn’t feel much for Sam Winchester, but she had a respect for him. He had bested her more than once, with his witching abilities… his intelligence. But what made her the most sick is that there was no regret from Lucifer. She couldn’t sense anything that she even wanted to understand. Lucifer had no compassion, no moral threshold. It had even crossed his mind… thinking about Sam’s sanity, his wellbeing, and how he could use what he did to continue to hurt Sam, for eternity. He enjoyed how he was inescapable.   
The Shadow opened her eyes, still sitting in the throne, a sick feeling in her stomach. She knew she had to find his regret now. If anyone deserved to be punished, it was the archangel sleeping in front of her now. She had to go back in.   
Shadow watched as more and more images went by, of people Lucifer killed, of people he hurt. She took at moment for Kelly, just to see, although she already knew the answer. He never gave a damn about Kelly. At least… at least there was one more chance of regret, one more shot at finding a beautiful eternal torture. Jack.   
The little kid was often in Castiel’s dreams, as a figure of loss. Somebody Castiel could never save, no matter how hard he tried. Jack was always gone before Cas could get there, always limp, bloody in Cas’s arms, again and again. He could never save Jack. He could never get there in time to say goodbye. Lucifer had a different memory of Jack. At first, there was a longing to find him, and once he finally found Jack, Lucifer was determined to keep him. Jack had changed, however, had become independent and willful, which didn’t exactly fly with Lucifer. Jack stood up to him, and in anger, Lucifer cut his throat. Jack fell to the ground, and the Shadow leaned in, ready to jump on the first trace of regret, but there was nothing. Lucifer didn’t regret.   
Maybe the only thing Lucifer would ever regret was not damaging Sam enough, or not making sure that Rowena was unable to speak again. Any other guess left Shadow empty. She sat there, watching him sleep, wondering how someone so horrible could get away with so much, without regret.   
And then she saw it. Blame. Lucifer would always blame somebody else, find a reason to be guiltless. Jack? That was Kelly’s fault. She was a bitch. She should’ve just let it happen. Castiel had stolen Jack away, and poisoned him against Lucifer. Gabriel had made his own choices, why should Lucifer feel responsible for that? It was Michael’s fault. It was Chuck’s fault. Lucifer absolved himself of guilt by refusing agency, by denying that it was truly his actions that led him where he was, and that was the greatest delusion of all.   
Sam made him do it. His love for Sam, or Jack, was worn out by them, which is why he hurt them. It wasn’t because he chose to, it was because he was so deluded that he believed that it was them, that they earned their own suffering at his hands.   
Shadow breathed out slowly. She knew what she could do now. Put Lucifer in a world where he couldn’t make up stories anymore. Where he could see the exact effects of who he was and how he had destroyed everything good around himself until only he remained, how he turned on people who had given him a chance. How he had called obsession love. Make him relive everything, but as a victim, as somebody he abused.   
She couldn’t help that the monster didn’t have regrets.   
But now he’d know… he was the worst monster of all.


End file.
